My Different Christmas
For those who know me, they all know that I DREAD Christmas. First of all, I always cry on Christmas- for god knows the reason why. I am always lonely, always feel outcast or what ever. Yeah, I was the GRINCH.
Why? Maybe because I felt that everyone was against me. Maybe I felt apart from a loved one. Maybe I felt that I could not express the love that I should have expressed a long time ago. Or maybe it was because I was at odds with my mother, which seemed a yearly thing( that we fight on christmas) .I also felt in the years before that I was uglier, fatter, worse and really evil.
This year was totally different. I was happier, my diet worked wonders and I weighed significantly less than last year ( In fact I am proud to say that I am soooo close to my goal of a waistline of 27 that i could taste it! ) My clothes are more fashionable, I made myself totally pretty for the season. I have a sparkle in my eye. i am smiling, I havent fought with my mother and I have love in my heart.
I thought that this Christmas would be sad, because I let him go. But, the Lord works in mysterious ways. When I let him go, I recieved so much more in return. Friends who love me, people falling over their feet to woo me, my family who loves me, My fathers and GRANDFATHER’s approval and trust. A new face to show the world, a career that is starting to shine and most of all peace in my heart.
My stubbornness led to all the heartaches before. But I know that this time I was very happy. It was a very different Christmas for me. I totally enjoyed bonding with family and friends. I have my dreams in sight and my family so close. I could not imagine ever living without them. I was correct in my choice that I should let him go.
though the manner of my letting him go was really bad. I know I tricked him into letting me go. I know I made a fool out of him. I am sorry. I feel bad everyday for it, but i know it was the right decision. I had to do it, it was bothering me, it was hurting me and it was stunting my growth.I guess it was just right. I had to let go of something to get something bigger. In this case it was our friendship.
I just wish that he finds it in his heart one day to forgive me and understand why I did this. I just wish he would find a happier place in his heart and a love that would take him away. I just wish all the best for him.
But then,again, were not friends anymore….
Hay, but he blessed me in a lot of ways. So I am looking forward to everything. I look forward to a better me. I look forward to a better year
