A Scratch Paper a Day

"ღI’m like a child trying to do everything, say everything and be everything all at onceღ"

I feel like a fool. I am already 28 yet, I feel like a child. I feel like I do not ever want to regret anything in my life. So I am reliving my youth, trying to do everything so I do not ever feel like my youth was lacking. Though, I could never catch up to all the things I wanted to do in my young life. Maybe because I was expecting too much of it. Maybe I was looking at it through rose colored glasses and never really seeing the truth of anything. I was blind to reality. I was thinking that everything would just be like in books or in feel good teen movies or college drama where everything will all be alright. Maybe that is why I still feel like my college experience is still lacking, that I stilll have things left to do in the academe. Maybe that is why I could not move on.

Kodomo mitai ni… Baka ja nai?

Am I not a fool for trying too hard? I think I am. I am like a child, I try to do everything.  Though, because of it. I feel now that it is all worth it.What I have under my belt, is a treasure hold a multitude of experience that are priceless and that no one could match. I think instead of being like a child, what I achieved was quite the opposite. I actually became more mature. With each experience, I made my youth full.I tasted youth like no one did and finally I think, I could move on.

What would the future hold for this little girl who wants to live in neverland? Who knows? All I know is that a part of me would never grow up. I will still be forever like a child.And I would be proud of it because, that is the part of me that I love the most.

I would always be just like this. I would always be bubbly like this, always love the things I love. I would always be stubborn to the point of stupidity. I would always be me.

I’m always a kid, I’ll never be matured enough

Dear Eldon,

First of all, THANK YOU so much for letting me know that you were letting Machir borrow my Prince of Tennis DVDs. You were so kind and courteous and careful of my precious DVD set so I HAVE to thank you in public. Those DVDs are special to me, especially since that set includes my ORIGINAL Prince of Tennis soundtrack CDs. Oh, of course, not that you mind that I paid for those with my hard earned money while I was in Chicago. Of course not, you dont need to know that.

I was only collecting them. Oh and you know what? IRYU is just my favorite J-Drama so you dont have to take care of those DVDs either. You probably do not know that they are rare to find and I bought them because I found them only ONCE the whole time I was lookign for them.

ALL OF THAT IS LACED WITH DRIPPING ICY SARCASM, OF COURSE.

I would just like to ask, WHAT IN GODS NAME GOT INTO YOU? Why did you so casually lend someone else’s stuff? DID I GIVE IT TO YOU? DID I ALLOW YOU TO? Thank you for being so considerate of my feelings.

I WILL NEVER LEND YOU ANYTHING AGAIN. OR TRUST YOU.

Thank you.