Fear the Green-Eyed Monster
Green is a color associated with sickness,
possibly because people’s skin takes on a slightly yellow/green tinge
when they are seriously ill. Green is also the colour of many unripe
foods that cause stomach pains.
The phrase was used by, and possibly coined by, Shakespeare to denote jealousy, in The Merchant of Venice, 1600s, witha line from Portia
How all the other passions fleet to air,
As doubtful thoughts, and rash-embraced despair,
And shuddering fear, and green-eyed jealousy! O love,
Be moderate; allay thy ecstasy,
In measure rein thy joy; scant this excess.
I feel too much thy blessing: make it less,
For fear I surfeit.
In Othello, Shakespeare also alludes to cats as green-eyed monsters in the way that they play with mice before killing them. Thus, the line from Iago.
O, beware, my lord, of jealousy;
It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock
The meat it feeds on; that cuckold lives in bliss
Who, certain of his fate, loves not his wronger;
But, O, what damned minutes tells he o’er
Who dotes, yet doubts, suspects, yet strongly love
But why do I talk and speak about jealousy now? What is it all about? Of the seven deadly sins, only envy is no fun at all. Sloth may not
seem that enjoyable, nor anger either, but giving way to deep laziness
has its pleasures, and the expression of anger entails a release that
is not without its small delights. Lust, Greed and Gluttony has its obvious pleasures in the flesh, money and power and food.
In recompense, envy may be the
subtlest–perhaps I should say the most insidious–of the seven deadly
sins. Surely it is the one that people are least likely to want to own
up to, for to do so is to admit that one is probably ungenerous, mean,
small-hearted. It may also be the most endemic. Apart from Socrates,
Jesus, Marcus Aurelius, Saint Francis, Mother Teresa, and only a few
others, at one time or another, we have all felt flashes of envy, even
if in varying intensities, from its minor pricks to its deep,
soul-destroying, lacerating stabs. So widespread is it–a word for
envy, I have read, exists in all known languages–that one is ready to
believe it is the sin for which the best argument can be made that it
is part of human nature.
In Filipino, it is INGGIT which can be used in a variety of ways to denote jealousy or envy. In Japanese it is Okayaki or Netamu both denotes jealousy, envy or ill feelings. Okayaki’s kanji could be broken down to Kou and Shou characters which means mountain and burning respectively. Thus, the japanese would be saying a mountain of burning feelings or hurt when they say this word.
We tend to think of jealousy as a single emotion, but actually it is a
whole bundle of feelings that tend to get lumped together. Jealousy can
manifest as anger, fear, hurt, betrayal, anxiety, agitation, sadness,
paranoia, depression, loneliness, envy, coveting, feeling powerless,
feeling inadequate, feeling excluded. It often helps to identify what
is the exact mix of feelings you experience when you feel jealous. What
is the primary emotion you feel when you are jealous? Demystifying the
exact components of your jealousy can be a giant step towards getting a
grip on things and resolving the problem. Is it always the same for you
or does the mix change from time to time depending on circumstances?
For instance, one woman figured out that her jealousy was about 50%
fear, 20% anger, 20% feeling powerless and 10% feeling betrayed.
However, when she asked her partner for reassurance and affection, and
he provided it, the anger and betrayal disappeared. Then her jealousy
was much more manageable, because most of what was left was fear and
she could express those feelings more easily to her partner and resolve
them.
It is crucial to understand what jealousy is and what it is about.
Jealousy is about fear–fear of the unknown and of change, fear of
losing power or control in a relationship, fear of scarcity and of
loss, and fear of abandonment. It is a reflection of our own insecurity
about our worthiness, anxiety about being adequate as a lover, and
doubts about our desirability.
For every jealous feeling there is an emotion behind the jealousy that
is much more significant than the jealousy itself. Behind jealousy
there is an unmet need or a deep fear that our needs will not be met.
Recognizing those fears and unmet needs is the key to unmasking
jealousy and taking away its power. Jealousy is just the finger
pointing at the fears and needs we are afraid to face. When jealousy
kicks in, it is the ancient reptilian part of our brain going into a
"fight or flight" response because we feel that our very survival is
threatened. When you feel jealous, ask yourself, "What is it that I am
really afraid of? What do I need to make this situation safe for me?"
"What is the worst thing that could happen and how likely is that to
happen?"
But what is to be jealous about and why am I talking about it? I have defined it, broken it down and yet, I still could not answer my own question. Perhaps, it is true that I do not want to won up to being jealous or envious of something. There are the obvious jealousies from celebrities like, fame, fortune, status, beauty and those wonderful red stilettos that she’s wearing or that gorgeous tennis bracelet that she has. But that is the forgivable kind of envy that can be brushed off at will. The jealousy and envy I am talking about is deeper, more painful and even the type that can kill.
I have experienced jealousy to the extreme where I can destory or have destroyed people. This deep feeling of resentment and grudge is one that I am hoping to get out of my system. Many people say that There is nothing more destructive than a woman’s jealous wrath. and that is so true. But Jealousy is a double edged sword. The more jealousy you have and the more you nurse it you kill not only that person you are jealous of, but moreso, you kill yourself. It kills both ways and ruins both ways… maybe it is the deadliest of the seven deadly sins.
So what are the things that make Marikit a green-eyed monster to be reckoned with? I believe there are a only a few that I could name that makes me a green-eyed monster- and that doesnt include the fabulous pair of emerald contacts that I had in the states.
- Love - I am a jealous lover. Though I say that I am not, but I have to admit that I am. I am possessive, clingy and not easy to trust. Maybe its the many times that I have been hurt, maybe it is the fragile heart, but that is the worst thing that can make me jealous. I cannot stand competition, I can’t stand threats. I am a warrior and I search and DESTROY. Many people know my capability, talent and appetite for destruction. I can make or break a person and when I break someone, I make sure they do not get up. I am a dangerous lover.
- Talent and Skills -I easily envy those who posses greater skills than I. I am a perfectionist who wants to be at the top of the scale at all times. There is no excuse for me to fail. However, with this envy goes a lot of respect. Maybe this is a good jealousy. It challenges me to get to the top.
- Friends In truth, though it appears that I have a large social network, I am basically alone. I have a handful of friends that I could call real But who was it that said that if you can count 10 true friends you are a good person? Hmm… i forget, but perhaps i should just believe that.
These are only 3 of the things that make me jealous. I know that jealousy is bad, but I can’t help it…maybe i could start a change.. but then again… isnt that what I am afraid of in the first place?
